Highlights

14th February

Red Roses, Chocolates, Teddy Bears, Gift Cards. These items have been predominantly bought within the last 2 or 3 days. Some supermarket managers have reported that they have run out of chocolates. Other items bought on this day in large quantities are Condoms and Morning After Pills (epills) though in secrecy.

The theme colour is Red. A lot of ladies adorn red beautiful and figure hugging dresses. Some bought them last year and have been working hard to lose weight so as to fit in the said dresses. SMH! The 2% of Men who recognize this day adorn red shirts with some wearing maroon trousers believing that that they are red. Oh, men are colour blind so they say.

Expensive dinners with exclusive wines & scented candles and presentation of expensive jewelry happens in the evening. Moving Love Poems are recited during these dinners. Love songs also render the air. Already these exquisite hotels are fully booked. The luckiest person would be a lady born on this day who gets both a Birthday & Valentine treat from her lover and to top it all up, receives a marriage proposal.

Did I mention that the biggest percentage of people who look forward to this day are ladies? In the few days preceding Valentines Day, some male species in a bid to avoid this day decided to break up with their lovers for trivial or trumped up reasons. For some, it is due to lack of finances, for others just plain Toxic Masculinity. In this regard, several theories and activities both real and fictitious come up with the prominent one being the Mens’ Conference apparently running from 12th to 16th February.

A lot of people who oppose this day bring up the theory that Everyday is Valentines if and when you are in the right relationship. Saddists are praying for heavy rains to destroy others Valentine’s plans.  The good book in Numbers 9:11 says ‘ On the 14th day of the 2nd month, you shall eat Unleavened Bread and Bitter Herbs’ This has been misinterpreted to suit those against Valentines. The unleavened bread has been interpreted as ‘KDF‘ and the bitter herbs as ‘Muguka.

For those who don’t have dates, don’t kill yourselves. It is not a matter of life and death. Of importance is life. Tell me how you will spend your valentines day in the comments section. Yours truly will be enjoying his own company sipping on some 1 Litre of Absolute Vodka waiting for November to witness the fruits of today’s labour.REPORT THIS

One thought on “14th February”

  1. I believe valentines should be an everyday thing. Valentines day 14 feb is a scam.
    That should be business as normal or attend important meeting that happen that day like the mens conference

    Anyways Good work Marto…
    Keep it up men.

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